Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Well, Coach...what you're doin' with my dad. I'm not seein' it.

Games 54-64: Yankees

Yankees 6, Twins 5
Yankees 7, Twins 6 (12)
Twins 5, Yankees 1
Twins 6, Yankees 5
Blue Jays 9, Yankees 3
Yankees 5, Blue Jays 1
Yankees 9, Blue Jays 8
Royals 2, Yankees 1
Yankees 12, Royals 11
Yankees 6, Royals 3
Royals 3, Yankees 2

Record: 32-32

Hey look, the Yankees are .500. What a big, f'ing shock (for Nick and Whit I'll work PG-13 today). By my Enron math 92 wins will be good enough for a playoff spot in the American League. So fellas, I need you to go 60-38 over the rest of the season. Much obliged.

I picked that title so long ago I almost forgot what it was about...oh wait, no, there goes Kyle Farnsworth blowing another late game lead to jog my memory. Obviously, the Joba move to the rotation has been covered ad nauseam by the mainstream media and the blogosphere, so it's not like you're about to read anything new or enlightening from this guy (I mean, unless you consider content like this enlightening). Kyle Dickface has allowed eight runs in his last nine appearances...luckily he's been hurt the past three days so I haven't been subjected to his "1IP, 3H, 2ER" lines. Joba will be fine eventually as a starter, but why create a gaping hole in the bullpen in the middle of the season?

How in the hell does Carlos Mencia still have a show on the air?

Whether you like him or not (full disclosure: I would run over Ellen and Portia on my way to the alter to marry him in Cali), Derek Jeter passing The Mick for third place on the Yankees all-time hit list is mighty, mighty impressive.

Does C.M. Wang plan on winning another game anytime soon?

The Moustache Warrior is carrying these guys. Well, him, and Frozen Caveman CF, who is now hitting .326 and on pace for over 100 runs scored and 26 steals.

How come Jose Guillen decided to take out all his anger issues on the Yankees?

Anyone seen Robinson Cano? I heard he's still cashing a paycheck, which at this point might be a criminal offense.

I hate nothing more than when restaurants put a generic form of ketchup in a Heinz bottle and expect you not to notice. It really makes my blood boil.

Sure, I threw Mike Mussina under the bus as the year began, only to see him now posting a 9-4 record and 3.82 ERA. But that's not going to stop me from asking an obvious question right now: do I look fat? Kidding, of course I do. The real question: Is Andy Pettitte finally done? He's giving up hits and home runs faster than I give out Pez at a social function. He's already given up 10 bombs...he allowed 16 all of last year.

During yesterday's game Yankees fans booed the sun. Impressive.


rob said...

isn't he the frozen caveman lf?

oh, and kudos on the tour de force. it's as if larry king and mike francesa had a baby.

TJ said...

Yeah, he is, but why let facts get in the way.

Speaking of Larry King, I flipped by him trying to discuss VP candidates on his show last night, and to say he looked disoriented would be a vast understatement. I would say he was hammered on air if I didn't know he was 104 and simply senile.

Whitney said...

TJ has unearthed one of my most frequently used -- and perhaps my favorite -- movie quote bastardization at MLC. To wit:

April 08
"Aaron Heilman, what you're doing with slim leads . . . I'm not seeing it."

July 07
"Omar, Willie . . . what you're doin' with Rickey . . . I'm not seein' it. Or in Rickeyspeak, Whitney's not seein' it."

Aug 04
"Art, what you're doing with Mike Piazza . . . I'm not seeing it."

July 04
"Uh, Coach, what you're doing with Eric Valent . . . I'm not seeing it."

July 04
"ESPN, what you're doing with the Mets game . . . I'm not seeing it."

July 04 (Hoosiers was on a lot that month)
"Braden, what you're doing with the lead . . . I'm not seeing it."

And chances are it'll get some usage before too long with the recent Mets play.

Jerry said...

PG-13 ain't what it used to be.

TJ said...

Whit, nice list, long but distinguished...like my johnson.

rob said...

whit, nice list, long but disfigured...like my johnson.


Whitney said...

I actually thought it'd be longer and more impressive. Like many girls have felt about my johnson.

(I just wanted to get "many girls have felt about my johnson" in there somewhere.)

Man, this is degenerating to Gheorghe levels rapidly. Nice.