Monday, June 23, 2008

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Games 66 through 76 - Los Jankees

A's 8, Yankees 4
Yankees 4, A's 1
Yankees 2, Astros 1
Yankees 8, Astros 4
Yankees 13, Astros 0
Yankees 8, Padres 0
Yankees 8, Padres 5
Yankees 2, Padres 1
Reds 4, Yankees 2
Reds 6, Yankees 0
Yankees 4, Reds 1

Record: 41-35

Welcome back to the Yankees Sidney Ponson, you big fleshy waste of life. Here's hoping you and Kei Igawa are simultaneously maimed in a horrible kiln explosion. Just for the record, Ponson's first stint with the Yankees, in 2006: 16.1 IP, 10.47 ERA and 2.02 WHIP. So, relatively successful, if you're using The Love Guru as your measuring stick. Honestly, look to the left at this douchebag...this is really a guy you want on your team? The Texas Rangers, a team so bereft of starting pitching that Vicente Padilla is considered their "ace" (I bet Nick just loves Senor Padilla), had to cut Ponson two weeks ago because he threw some sort of locker room temper tantrum, most likely because Ian Kinsler drank the last Capri Sun. This will work out swimmingly I'm sure.

In a related story, GM Genius B. Cashman has signed Bucky LaGrange as a utility infielder. Both signings should pan out equally.

Yeah, I know I'm never around, giving "10 game at a time" recaps, neglecting you like Mel Silver neglected David for a decade. I'm sorry...but can we talk about it later? I need to crank this latest drivel out before meeting Nick and rob at the Dubliner for some serious blog discussions...sans Whit of course. That guy will destroy a tab if given the chance.

Some more words, random notes, non sequiturs, if I may (all stats lifted from the good folks at and the Elias Sports I the only one who likes to imagine ESB is run by Willem Dafoe's character in Platoon?):

Andy Pettitte, who I wrote off for dead last time I was here, won again last night, and is now 5-0 in his last seven starts. He also happens to fit the definition of that made-up announcer term "stopper", improving to 75-37 after a regular season Yankees loss. Well, that's fine and dandy, because with the Chairman basically done for the year there will be many Ponson/Igawa/Giese losses Pettitte needs to follow with a win.

The Moustache Warrior continues to rake. As does that sexy beast Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez and Johnny Damon. Offense should not be the issue here, though it appears young fireballers with nasty change-ups give the club problems (Edison Volquez and Daryl Thompson made the Yanks look silly Friday and Saturday...and actually, Cueto was owning them yesterday, but luckily for NY the Reds are (mis)managed by one Dusty Baker, so thank you Dusty for the Sunday win).

Mariano Rivera is awesome as always. He has yet to allow a run in a save situation in 21 straight games to start the season. Does that really mean that much? Nah, but it sounds cool.

Kyle Farnsworth, or as I like to call him, "7th inning Cy Young", gave up a bomb to Junior Griffey yesterday. He is apparently the 384th pitcher to give up a home run to Griffey. I want to say he is the worst to do so, but we know that's not true. He's the second worst.

Nick, rob...see you in an hour.

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