Saturday, April 12, 2008

I hired you people to try to get a little track laid, not to jump around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots

Games 8, 9 and 10 - Yankees

Upstart Royals 5, Yankees 2
Annoying Royals 4, Yankees 0
Yankees 6, Royals 1
Record: 5-5

Andrew HGH and his 6-1 victory last night saved you, the loyal reader(s), from having to read an utterly useless, expletive-filled post about the Kansas City Royals sweeping the Yankees. And it allowed me to have a little fun watching YouTube clips all morning of perhaps the funniest movie ever made. I give you the Royals/Yankees series (and really, anything else I feel like throwing in), via the magnificent quotes of Blazing Saddles:

[Editor's Note: I am so hungover right now the typing hurts. This was started in earnest at work yesterday, with venti coffe in hand, so at least you know it had potential. And now I ruin it like Lucas when he put Jar Jar in that "new" Star Wars]

"Ooh, baby, you are so talented! And they are so DUMB!"
Whit, I bet Omar and the Mets could use a guy like Brian Bannister right now, eh? The same Brian Bannister who provided 5 solid if not spectacular innings, giving up 2ER and striking out 6. The Mets got who for him exactly? Oh right, future HOF-er Ambiorix Burgos. How could I forget.

"Go do that voodoo that you do so well!"
Coach Joe mixed up the lineup in the 6-1 win, using the convenient excuse that the Royals were throwing a southpaw. He didn't have A-Rod hit eight. I had something to say here about the Yankees and runners in scoring position, but looking at numbers would kill me right now.

"Badges? We don't need no stinking badges."
Jeter stand-in and rookie Alberto Gonzalez. Is this racist? Who knows...but I'm paying homage to Blazing Saddles remember? I mean, could you imagine trying to pitch that movie to the studios in this day and age?

"Mongo only pawn... in game of life."
Apparently Ian Kennedy is made of paper mache and can't pitch in the rain, because Girardi yanked him and started career reliever (and 2008 Whipping Boy Nominee) Brian Bruney in the inevitable 4-0 loss. By the way, kudos to Alex Karras for being both Mongo AND Webster's adoptive dad.

Qualifications?
Rape, murder, arson, and rape.
You said rape twice.

I like rape.

What Kyle Farnsworth does to every bullpen he enters.

"I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists."
Recruiting ad for Fenway bleacher seats.

"Gentlemen, please rest your sphincters."
To my fellow Yankees fans. Look at it this way - the current 5-5 start sure feels a lot better than the last three years abortive Aprils. [Remember, I wrote this yesterday...before the Chairman's CG win last night made me very very happy about being 6-5.]

"What's a dazzling urbanite like you doing in a rustic setting like this?"
I just love this one. Perhaps the best delivered line in the movie. The other one I can't type...bad word.

"You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons."
Jason Giambi.

"Excuse me while I whip this out."
I get it. Yours are bigger.

Yeah, I know what starts tonight [Again...slight delay. By the way I'm listening to the Fat Boys sing "Fat Boys". I've always felt it took balls to just name a song the same thing as your band name. Balls...maybe lazy? Not sure] Bring on the Red Sox. Rob, shouldn't we finalize that beer bet before first pitch at Fenway tonight?

6 comments:

Whitney said...

Bad Company did it to much success. Talk Talk to a lesser degree.

Do "Clash City Rockers," "Stray Cat Strut," "The E Street Shuffle," "Who Are You," "This is Cracker Soul," and "In a Big Country" count?

TJ said...

Thanks a lot ass - now I can't get that fucking Bad Compamy song out of my head.

TJ said...

CompaNy...not compaMy.

TJ said...

Hey, old beer snob guys - have you had this Clipper City stuff? Its damn good.

Itsmetsforme said...

what is this? i don't get it, but i'm not trying too hard.

rob said...

strange things are afoot, both in fenway and in teejay's stomach.