Monday, July 07, 2008

Under the Boardwalk

Games 80 through 89 - Philllies

5 wins, 5 losses (Hey! I was on vacation!)

Record: 48 wins, 41 losses

I am back from the Delaware shore and not a moment too soon. It’s not that I am married to this fabulous career of mine – in fact, I am not sure exactly what it is that I do. It is that I am first and foremost a creature of habit. All that loungin’ about drinking import beers and smoking Cohiba knockoffs whilst frittering away one sunny day after another doing things I really don’t enjoy like going to the beach and to Funland with the kiddies have made me long for the drab and dreary confines of my office. At precisely 9:14 today, the morning coffee resumed its reliable and effective stimulation of the lower regions of my digestive system and just like that I’M BACK BABEEEEE!

Now about those phinicky Phils – not much has changed. Still can’t hit good pitching (witness the effort vs. Johan on the 4th) and prone to inexplicable droughts vs. bad pitching (witness the effort turned in against Oliver Perez yesterday.) In between , they hammer their way through mediocre pitching frivolously piling on unnecessary runs in unsightly blowouts. Someone please figure out how many home runs these boys have after building 8 run leads. (8 is an arbitrarily obtained number I realize but it probably safely enough “up there” in terms of a safe lead these days.) Concerning those blowouts, I can’t even enjoy them. I am drawn to the clouds despite the overwhelming sunshine. When I see a score of 13-2, my gut instinct is to suggest that it was a waste of offense at best and at worst, a temptation for the boys to foolishly buy into the notion that they are world beaters. I suppose that is because the inevitably follow up those efforts with anemic production the next day.

While I was out, someone asked me about Mr. Myers being demoted to Allentown. Well, to paraphrase Billy Joel, “it’s getting very hard to stayyyyy-ay-ay-ay with Bret Myers.” It appears he never “mentally” accepted his return to the rotation whatever that means. Bunch of psychobabble bullshit if you ask me. It’s simple Bret. Take the f**king ball every 5th day and chuck. The rules are the same. 4 balls are a walk. 3 strikes are an out. 3 outs are an inning. Freaking moron! If it makes you feel better, just pretend each inning is the 9th. What an ass! I will waste no more on this knucklehead except to posit that were it not for his inexcusable collapse, this ball club would be comfortably ahead of the pack right now instead of treading water atop a moribund collection of heavily flawed clubs.

What else is there? Oh, allow me to be the anti-Baby Boss for a moment. I hate the American League! OK? I don’t have any use for interleague play. It’s unfair, unbalanced and un-American! You don’t have to consort with anybody from the other league. That’s in the Constitution! I say we rid ourselves of this unholy experiment to drum up more $$$ for the coffers of Bud’s buds. Nothing good has come of this for my phair phranchise. (You know, somewhere along the line, I think I promised not to do that ‘ph’ thing. Oh well, I am pheeling it right now so I will use it to your detriment with no apologies.) Interleague play benefits only the Yanks, Mets, Cubs and White Sox and any NL team owner that hosts the Yanks and Red Sox. I guarantee you no one in Philly is clamoring for the Twins to come to town in ’09! Dump it now. It’s stupid. The American League is stupid. Blogging is stupid too!

OK, I feel better now.

Now then, here’s hoping the Phils can salvage game 4 against the listless Mess and get ready for a grueling week before the break (Cards & D’Backs for six at The Bank.)

Whit – you will enjoy no fomenting over the results of game 2 and 3. I have summarily expelled them from memory. Well almost. That outing verses Oliver Perez is stuck in my esophagus like an undercooked bacon wrapped scallop.

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