Misery Loves Company: Two Guys Watch Baseball

Game 123 - Mets

Mets 8, Rockies 0
Record: 54-69

Missing: One wretched collection of 25 weak-hitting, sloppy-fielding, and slow-running has-beens, haven't-yet-beens, and never-will-bes. Last seen wandering over the Triborough Bridge in blackout NYC. Previously seen dropping doubleheaders like Galileo dropped the orange, losing chunks of games three at a time, and making fans flip over to the Brewers-Padres thriller by the third inning. Should be wearing Brooklyn Dodger Blue and New York Giant Orange. Answers to "Mets," "Metropolitans," or "The best damn 54-69 ballclub there ever was." If found, please return to:

123-01 Roosevelt Ave.
Flushing, NY 11368

I don't recognize these guys. Steve Trachsel allowed one hit and nary a walk while notching two hits himself. Mike Piazza and Jason Phillips blasted homers again. The Mets outscored the Rockies 32-8 over this four-game series. I'll take what I can get in this God-forsaken season, and this is fun, but if this stretch of wins had come in April, I might've actually had glorious delusions of grandeur at some point. As it happened, I swallowed daily doses of bitter pills like salt peter at the sanitarium, except with more tantrums.

Well, I just dug up something from a dusty bottom drawer, and since it finally seems appropriate:

Let's Go Mets!

[Oops . . . I really shouldn't have reminded these guys they're the Mets.]