Friday, July 13, 2007

John Mellencamp

Game 88 – Red Sox

Red Sox 7, Blue Jays 4
Record: 54-34

(Cue music from Fantasia, softly)

(ORACLE sits calmly at a keyboard at center stage, several cell phones strewn across his desk. ORACLE bears an uncanny resemblance to Peter Gammons. Or perhaps George Plimpton.)

(FAN enters stage left. He is clearly agitated, pale and drawn, hair mussed as if he’d been running his hands through it in exasperation and dismay.)

FAN: Papi’s got a meniscus! Papi’s got a meniscus!

ORACLE: Yes, and so do I.

FAN (breathless): Papi…hurt…leg…surgery…can’t…breathe.

ORACLE: I spoke to Papi this morning around the batting cages. He’s got some discomfort, but he’s been playing with it since last June. He thinks he hurt it fielding a bunt.

FAN: Why was he…? A bunt? Interleague play! Game over, man. We’re screwed.

ORACLE: Papi’s still got a .996 OPS and he started the season’s second half with a 3-hit, 2-ribbie performance. He’s got 30 doubles. It’s a little harder for him to get into his crouch, but he’s still an elite hitter.

FAN (loudly): Little harder? What? I knew it. He’s done. (Puts face in hands, slumps) Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man.

ORACLE: Manny will hit. J.D. Drew will hit. Scouts say that Kevin Youkilis is the toughest out in the Sox lineup. And understand this – Papi will be fine. Until it gets cold in October. Then he might have a difficult time loosening up.

FAN (moaning softly): Papi’s got a meniscus.

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