Thursday, April 26, 2007

The Bloodhound Gang

Games 19 & 20 – Red Sox

Blue Jays 10, Red Sox 3
Red Sox 6, Baltimore Orioles 1

Record: 13-7

Assorted flotsam and jetsam today, as I missed last night’s game entirely while manning shortstop for the Arlington County D-League Hot Action squad and have nothing to say about the drubbing the Sox took on Tuesday night against the Jays. The fact that our softball team’s oldest player (by far) is playing shortstop is a reflection on our overall lack of talent and not any measure of my athletic prowess.

All of Boston (and, for that matter, much of the national sporting media) is abuzz with manufactured controversy after Orioles broadcaster Gary Thorne alleged that Doug Mirabelli dropped a dime on Curt Schilling, revealing that Schill’s now-legendary bloody sock performance in Game 6 of the 2004 ALCS was the result of artistic license and a bit of red paint. Mirabelli’s gone batshit denying it, the Sox front office jumped ugly on Thorne, and Schilling wearily denied the claim.

MLC reporters were actually in the room when Thorne and Mirabelli talked. The following is the transcript of their conversation:

Thorne: Hey, Doug. Got a few minutes?

Mirabelli (naked, scratching his balls with a used batting glove): Sure, little guy, Dougie's got time. What’s up?

Thorne: How’s Schill looking so far this season?

Mirabelli: Better than your hairline. Tough outing in Kansas City, but he’s been a stud ever since. He’s a horse. You remember what he did in 2004, right?

Thorne: The bloody sock. Sure – that was amazing. Lemme ask you something. Any truth to the rumors that the whole thing was faked?

Mirabelli (leans close to Thorne, whispers): Don’t tell anybody, but I’ve been dying to get this off my chest. Here’s the deal: Schill knew the cameras would be on his ankle, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to answer the bell, so he casually slopped a little bit of paint on the ankle, just to make the excuse better – if he needed it. Glad he didn’t. Helluva thing, pitching with your ankle sewn up like that. Me and Millar were the only ones that knew about it, too – that’s why the club let us both go in free agency. That, and we jerked off on Theo’s gorilla costume.

Thorne: Really? Is that true?

Mirabelli (louder now, bellowing): Of course not, you little ass-monkey. Now get out of here before Dougie uses you as a Q-tip for his taint. Dougie’s getting angry. (Softer) The stuff about the gorilla suit’s dead accurate, though. Theo’s still pissed at us for that.

Exit Thorne, quickly, stage left

We just thought you’d want to hear the truth about the whole thing. I'd bet dollars to donuts that Mirabelli really did tell Thorne that Schilling painted his sock as a joke, and that Mirabelli was laughing to himself after he did it - only to be forced to deny the whole thing after it came out. (Edit: should note that it looks like Sox blogger and MLC favorite Joy of Sox actually spurred the initial coverage of this incident.)

In other news, Whit’s in New Orleans this week, scouting the Mets’ new AAA farm club. Lastings Milledge just got demoted to the Zephyrs, so we’re looking forward to Whit’s recap of the young rightfielder’s Crescent City debut. And as soon as he dries out from Jazz Fest, I’m certain that’ll be high on Whit’s list of things to do.


Geoff said...

So, you're gay for Schilling? That was the moral I was supposed to take away from that, right?

rob said...

there's quite a bit of subtext involved, but i think you've nailed it

rob said...

well, as it turns out, i'd be swimming in dollars had you taken my bet.