Misery Loves Company: Two Guys Watch Baseball

Games 151-155 - Mets, or Wheeeeeee!

Cubs 2, Mets 0
Expos 1, Mets 0
Expos 7, Mets 1
Expos 4, Mets 3
Expos 4, Mets 2
Record: 63-92

What do you call bungee-jumping with no bungee cord? That's what the Mets did for 17 games, sandwiching a tiny win between two eight-game losing streaks. Boy, that's Tigers-esque. Speaking of which, it's time for . . .

Tigers Watch!
Record: 40-118
Winning Percentage: .253

Yes, last night Les Tigres finally reached that elusive 40-win plateau, keeping them just 49 games out of first place in the AL Central. (Fortunately for Detroit, they left the AL East 10 years ago; were they in that division, they'd trail the Yanks by an unfathomable 58 games.) (Oh, and just to beat this dead tiger further, Detroit is 53 games out of the wild card race. The wild card race. El wildo cardo race-o. Can we all see how wretched that is?) These 40 wins represent the benchmark for futility, courtesy of your New York Mets circa 1962. But those Mets won 40 of just 160 games; the Tigers still must win one of their four remaining games to top the Mets' .250 winning percentage. Let's face it -- they're going to be recalled for a long time as one of the worst teams ever, no matter if they do edge Casey's Clowns in this regard, but they might as well keep aiming for some goal. Meanwhile . . .

The Mets have nothing to shoot for, no milestone to reach. The one record-setting personal achievement, Mike Piazza's quest for the all-time HRs as a catcher, will annoyingly drag itself and the controversy (C vs. 1B?) into the '04 season. And so, the Mets go 1-16 in this stretch, aiding and abetting every playoff hopeful in the daggone league. In the second half of this aesthetic equivalent of ipecac syrup, the Mets have suffered 4-game sweeps to the Braves, Phillies, and Expos. That leaves just the Marlins, who didn't have a four game series on the 2nd-half schedule. They did get swept in the only 3-game series they played against Florida, and they have the final trio of this season's games to make it 6 in a row. The Mets also gave three up to the Cubbies in crunch time, much to the chagrin of the Cards and Astros, but they have only themselves to blame, for they allowed the Pollys (again, the preferred abbreviation for Metropolitans) to take one and two games, respectively, in their latter-half contests. Playing the Mets is like walking into a going out of business clearance sale. They're just giving everything away! Come on down before it's too late!