The Dead Kennedys

Games 109 & 110 - Mets

Mets 6, Cubs 2
Cubs 6, Mets 2
Record: 62-48

Jeanne, you ignorant slut.

That's what I was hollering at the telly as she ever-so-feebly recapped today's loss to the Cubs.

As we sat through eight innings where the Cubbies didn't score and one that they did, all the Mets fans really noticed was that the Cubs' big inning (6 runs) began when Run #1 scored on a groundout with two outs. Except that the first base umpire, whose job is all too complex to describe in a forum as brief as this (call plays at first, balls down the first-base line, pickoffs, and the occasional balk) missed the call. Wasn't a Denkinger, wasn't quite a bang-bang either. And then six runs plated and the game (as it turned out) ended.

But Jeanne Zelasko and the brain trust (Kevin Kennedy & Mark Grace) didn't watch the game, or even the highlights. As the replay of the key call was shown in slow-mo in Fox highlights, Jeanne blathered on about Ted Lilly as if not watching the telestrator at all. Later, we heard Kevin "I'm Not a Real" Kennedy say John Maine "didn't have it today" as if he took a few seconds to check the box score -- what exactly was he doing between 4:00 and 6:30 today, trimming his moustache? And Jeanne simply added, "Sit down, bud," as Maine was yanked. Really? Wouldn't want to mention the one play on which this win/loss hinged?

I know what you're saying. Whitney, it was one play and Maine blew up afterwards. True dat. Whitney, Lilly did pitch a fine game. True dat. Whitney, it was network coverage -- they never bother to get the actual story. True dat. Whitney, it was Fox -- they still think the president's disapproval ratings are a myth propagated by Bill Clinton. True dat.

Still, it bugged the ever-living crap out of me. And let me just say this: if my crap is ever-living, I have problems that go well beyond John Maine and the Mets getting absolutely rooked in this game. But Jeanne Zelasko and her moronic mates' ankle-deep perspective just struck me the wrong way. As of now, I refuse to even watch 5 seconds of that team's pathetic work. I have better things to do, like whack myself in the eye with a ball-peen hammer.



Oh, and the Mets won a great one yesterday. But right now that's lost on me, as I think of ways to hang Jeanne & Kevin in effigy above my dartboard.