Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Live, from Fairfax, VA

Game 2 - Red Sox

Yankees 4, Red Sox 3
Record: 0-2

Liveblogging from the comfort of my palatial office, on a postcard-pretty spring afternoon. Good thing I've already seen the outdoors once today, because the next 3 hours will be largely wasted on staring at a little graphical representation of Yankee Stadium.

Johnny Damon leads things off for the Sox against Carl Pavano. My 3 year-old daughter loves Johnny Damon - mostly because he looks like a cartoon character. I liked him a lot last year, for his play on the field and the fact that he represented the idiot mentality more than any other player. His act is wearing on me, though, with his seemingly insatiable appetite for publicity - he spent all day yesterday with Regis, Matt Lauer, David Letterman, et al. Cashing in is okay - I get it. But if it starts to impact his play on the field, the Nation won't likely be very patient with our Unfrozen Caveman Centerfielder.

Top 1st Inning

And...there's a 2-pitch popup to second. Right. Didn't he read the last sentence?

Okay, 10-pitch inning for Pavano, with strikeouts of Nixon and Ramirez. Got 'em right where we want 'em. Just hastening the beginning of the Matt Clement Era in Boston.

Bottom 1st Inning

Oooh, just noticed that the wind is blowing briskly out to right. Paging Dr. Ortiz, paging Dr. Ortiz. And not paging Messrs. Matsui, Giambi, Posada, Williams, and T. Martinez. Gulp.

In case you were wondering, that familiar flutter in my stomach is back. Yeah, rooting for this team will be a lot different this year.

K-Rod!

11-pitch frame for Clement. That's the start we're looking for.

Top 2nd Inning

I've got an ESPN Magazine cover with Big Papi's grinning mug adorning my office wall. Wait - that story was going somewhere - right before he became Pavano's 3rd strikeout victim. We're witnessing the birth of a legend.

Zoinks. Make that 4 Ks. At least strikeouts take a lot of pitches.

Another 1-2-3 for Pavano. Silver lining time - at this rate, I'll only miss 90 minutes of "work".

Bottom 2nd Inning

Matsui singles. Posada walks on 4 pitches. Oh, it's that Matt Clement.

Matsui is a free agent after this season. I'd pay my own money to ensure that he's on any other team than the Yankees. That guy scares me more than any other player in the league.

Another walk. Bases loaded. Crowd in full bloodlust for Tino, Tino, Tino...Tino - pops out. I'm taking bets on when Yankee Nation turns on their former boy prince once they realize he left his bat speed at the same nursing home as Rafael Palmeiro.

And up pops Tony Womack. Deep exhalation.

Interlude for Blogger Derision

Effing Blogger just shat itself, which it does more often than my 13 month-old, deleting some extraordinarily pithy commentary about the Sox' 3rd inning. Trust me, it was a scorcher (bonus points if you can name the movie). Whatever. At least they got some men on base. Too bad Trot Nixon's chosen today to reenact his namesake's capitulation.

Bottom 3rd

Hit by pitch. Error. Groundout. Run scored. Matsui goes yard. See above for appropriate level of respectful terror. 3-0 Yankees.

Top 4th

Tizzle! Quadrangular! 3-1 Yankees.

I have no sense of the drama of this game. Was Clement not pitching well, or did Matsui just beat him? Is Pavano dealing, or are the Sox flailing about at the plate? Really antiseptic way to follow a ballgame. Let's go over to see how the good people of SOSH are feeling...and here's a quote from switchhitter33: "Actually, I'm pretty happy with that inning. If it weren't for Edgar Cocksucking Renteria, we'd be ahead 1-0." Good times for the Sox' new shortstop.

Bottom 4th

2-out hit for Womack. Another walk to Jeter. ARod at the plate...holding breath (me, not him)...3-pitch K. Timely visit to the mound by Dave Wallace.

77 pitches through 4 for Clement, not exactly efficient. 60 for Pavano.

Top 5th

The mighty Boston bats have been a bit meek in the season's first 13 innings, no? Yes, I know, small sample size. I don't traffic in rationality, remember?

Let's see if Trot Nixon can make contact, shall we? In fact, he can. Too bad it results in a soft grounder to second. Inning over.

This is just a shitty way to cover a ballgame, but I'm not a quitter. I'm gonna fight through to the end, because that's what you, our devoted fan, have come to expect from MLC. That, tortured sentences, and an occasional clever nickname. And this paddleball game. And my dog, Shithead.

Bottom 5th

Sheffield singles, bringing up Mmmmatsui (read that like Shaggy walking down an darkened hallway)...who flies deep to left. Eat it, Mothra.

Posada singles, and Halama replaces Clement. Sox' first 2 starters fail to get out of the 5th inning. Mmm, weak, untimely hitting, below-average defense, and lots of innings for the bullpen. My recipe for spam with refried beans is more tasty.

Halama hits Giambi - the 3rd HBP for I'm So Very Sorry this season. Well, if you can't generate batspeed, generate shoulder dip speed.

Hey - double play. Rays of light seeping from my keyboard.

Top 6th

Wow. Edgar Renteria's day so far: extremely costly error, 0 for 3 with a double play and 3 LOB. Bet he's really looking forward to the home opener. Fuck.

I did enjoy this from Maalox at SOSH, "Jeter and Womack are the freaking Terri Schiavo of infields, and they're turning two on us. I want to bite my penis off."

Bottom 6th

1-2-3 is neat.

Top 7th

I was trying to concentrate on a fairly important work-related matter while watching the Sox tally a run on 3 singles. Then, Trot Nixon regained the lead in the Goat of the Game race, passing Edgar Renteria by grounding into a 1-out double play with men on 1st and 2nd. Nixon's line: 0 for 4, 5 LOB. Fuck, again.

Bottom 7th

One on, one out, and cue Mike Myers' music - which to Matsui, hopefully sounds like the Darth Vader Theme. Let's go to the videotape...single to left. Mothra, dammit.

Okay - it's now 3:45. I've got a 4:00 meeting. What are the odds that the Sox put 7 runs on the board before I have to leave? Probably not as good as the Yankees doing the same, sadly.

Embree vs. Giambi. 2-on, 2-out. I've seen this movie before. It was a good one. The sequel is excellent, too: punchado.

Top 8th

Manny having a bang-up start to 2005. 0-8 with 4Ks.

All set up for some Big Papi-style heroics, but one man can only carry the entire load so far - pop to 3rd.

3-4-5 with a whimper, not a bang. No worries, we've got Renteria leading off the 9th against Rivera. Wait for it...Doublefuck.

Bottom 8th

Keith Foulke makes his first meaningful appearance since clinching the World Series title in October (that's for you, Whit - first time I've smiled all game.)

1-2-3, at least someone's doing their job correctly this afternoon. I'm certainly not.

Top 9th

Mr. Rivera, meet Mr. Mueller. Oh, you've already met. I see.

Forget Mueller: Tek! 4-bagger off the Yankee closer to tie the score. The Sox own Rivera.

And Mueller keeps it rolling - base hit.

Ah, hell.

Bottom 9th

Went to my meeting, ducked out to go to the "bathroom", and check in here to see...Jeter takes Foulke deep for the game-winner. Well, that was an afternoon well spent.

Pfffft.

Long season is a consolation, I guess, but that's a bit of a kick in the balls.

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